Advanced Planning Required!

Today we put a package in the mail, bound for Haiti via Florida. Chancelet's 1st birthday is on May 9th and I am praying the package will get to him in time. It's just hard to say... But what kind of mom will we be if it doesn't arrive? :-( I probably should have got it in the mail sooner, but even for me (often an over-planner) even 2 months early is doing pretty well!

It makes me sad to know we will miss his first birthday. I would assume that has got to be a pretty special birthday to share with your little one. So, I think that day will be tough for me (and even tougher to know we will most likely miss his 2nd b-day too.)

I am kind of sad today (maybe it was putting Chancelet's package together?) but I also just read Jaime's blog details on their Haiti/GLA trip (3 days) to fill out their I-600 paperwork: http://ourlittlestangels.blogspot.com/2008/11/recap-day-1-in-haiti.html

It brought both tears of joy & sadness to my heart... what a process. To meet and spend time with your kids, knowing you can't bring them home. It's wonderful to be able to have the oppty to go to Haiti prior to the adoption (because the process is so very long) but I am sure the pain of leaving is overwhelming. We are hopeful that our timeline will fall into place in order for us to take our initial trip this summer (while Joe is off from teaching.) We pray each day (several times) that we will get into IBESR so we can make those plans...

This past week we made our way through the lastest paperwork updates that were required. We stopped off at the sheriff's office and got fingerprinted for Oregon, we got the taxes done so we could update our financials and we dug for proof of insurance, etc.. We still have to update our medical info, but have appointments for that next week. It just never ends...

My parents arrive back from Kauai tonight, so we will pick them up at the airport... I am not feeling well (sick with a nasty cold & feel de-energized) so it puts a damper on the excitement of going out to get them. But I am sure I will snap out of it once we see them walk through security. They have my niece, Kendra w/ them (her first trip to Hawaii!)

I can't wait until that first moment I get to watch Joe & Chancelet play on the beaches of Kauai... I think I will be crying tears of joy. My favorite place on earth, with my 2 favorite men...

Very Odd Weather

Portlanders are very much used to rainy winters... but not so much snow. Never has there been a time I can remember when Portland treated snow as "just another day." We have been hit snow many times this year - it's just odd.

It barely even made the news, where as in the past --- all stations would have had 10 reporters outside in various locations showing the fraction of an inch that came down overnight... But this time, we didn't even know it was supposed to snow again... we woke up early this morning to work-out and Joe said "it snowed Jill."

So, I like the fact that we aren't making a big deal out of it... but at the same time I am getting tired of it. I hate cold. I hate everything about being cold. My parents are in Kauai RIGHT NOW and I wish I would have added myself to one of their suitcases... I need some sunshine.

...or some good news about getting into IBESR would do the trick, I am sure! :-)

Old & Gray

My friend and co-worker (Scott) came into my office this morning and said "guess what Jill... we have officially adopted Jasmine!"

He and his wife met with a Florida judge via video conference and they finalized everything... They brought her home to Oregon about 6 months ago and she is now officially adopted. Their whole process lasted about 9 months.

So... we did expected a "long" process with international, but honestly we thought it would equivalent to domestic when we started this whole process. And about 6 months ago (when Scott brought Jasmine home) Scott told me to get a hold of his people and we could probably get a domestic black baby in 2-3 months... But I didn't feel right about changing direction. We went down this path for a reason, and I believe God has a plan.

So I guess this post is to help convince/remind me that we did the right thing, even though the timelines are so very frustrating (and knowing I will be old and gray when Chancelet is 18.) Chancelet is meant to be with us and that is God's plan. Patience is not my strength, but I have no choice but to "work on it" through this adoption process.

Praying; Not Trying to Understand (because I can't...)

I just got word from a friend, who went through IVF (again), that it failed.... I was heart-broken at the news. Having gone through some pretty similar paths with everything (and not even knowing it until recently) I had been praying she would have good news to share.

The whole process is painful, draining, and a very long road... So when you get to the end and are faced with failure, it is just devastating. I wouldn't wish that news on anyone and my heart is hurting for she and her husband today...

Criminals Have It Easy...

Go to the right side of the blog and review the list under "Our Adoption History" of steps and red-tape that we have been through for the past 2 years.

Now read this:

Joe and Jill, I've attached forms to this email to start the homestudy update process. You will need to:

• Complete a new medical form (another doctor visit)
• Insurance update
• Financial history update (with 2008 1040 tax)
• Have a new background completed (for the background checks, Seattle will be sending you the forms. Oregon now requires fingerprints to be done with these, so the process takes a little longer.)
• I will need to visit your home in March to do another brief walk through, and will schedule that with you later.

Do you see why this is so frustrating? We, as adoptive parents, (with perfect background records, excellent credit, jobs, and good families are being put through more than any criminal would ever be. )

Any 15 year old girl can go out, get pregnant, rely on goverment assitance & keep her baby regardless of these things. But we are penalized, because my organs are broken, and cannot adopt a baby (our baby, Chancelet!) without moving mountains...

Each of the steps above requires so much effort for us, given we both work full-time:

• Like dealing with our doctor who can't seem to get the form filled out on the same day it is notarized (forcing us to have to re-do the appointment & paperwork.)
• Or the fingerprinting letter that gives you the exact day/time to come in, regardless of what might actually work with your schedule (causing a re-schedule for a month out - and yet again the time doesn't work because you happen to be in Wichita, KS on business.)
• Or maybe it is the tax information... which actually requires you to be done with the 2008 taxes (and given we owe a "boat load" this year, not to mention we still owe money for 3/4 of a baby we aren't exactly in a rush to get them done.) SIGH, DEEP BREATH, SIGH...

God must have some deep message for me in all of this... and I guess that is where I should focus my frustration.

Little Indeed...

Joe and I were talking about Chancelet's height/weight this morning, and wondering how big (or little) Chancelet is for his age. So I went on-line and input his info and here is what I got:


Child Growth Chart Calculator
Based on the data you submitted, your child falls into the following percentiles:

• Length = below percentile 5


• Weight = below percentile 5

This wasn't a big shock (they tell us that Hatian babies are usually smaller than US babies...) But I guess we now know for sure that he is our "little" guy!

What A Wonderful Gift (and he is smiling!)

What a fun Valentines gift! :-) Melissa (our Bethany rep) just sent us our February email with photos & the update of Chancelet:

• Weight: 14 lbs 3 oz
• Height: 26 inches (66 cm)
• Adoption Status: pre-IBESR

• Happy Valentine’s Day, Joseph and Jill! As is often the case, this new year is speeding by and it is February already! This year February has been rather cold, making us thankful for the sweaters and jackets we have, both for ourselves and for all the children. Hopefully it will warm up soon and we will be back to our more normal, tropical weather. We have recently been seeing a lot of progress at the new land in Fort Jacques.

• This month we have several volunteers who have come to help with the construction, and they have been doing some of the more detailed work such as putting windows in and hanging doors. They have also been a huge help in moving and organizing the boxes of donations that came on the container last month. Now the donations are in neat, orderly groups for easy access when we need those particular supplies. It is exciting to see the progress at the land, and we pray that the necessary funds will come in to allow us to continue to build the necessary structures.

• With the celebration of Valentine’s Day this month, we are surrounded by reminders of love—romantic love, of course, but also love for all those who are dear to us. In spite of the commercialism of the holiday, it is a good reminder of what is important in life: LOVE. Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” ~ Matthew 22:37-39

• This month the theme for photo day is “Your Little Sweetheart”! With Valentine’s Day the big event in February, it seemed an appropriate setting to photograph your beautiful children. In an effort to get all updates out by Valentine’s Day, I will not be including a story with your update this month. Enjoy your photos and updated information!

I Appreciate Honesty...

I just appreciate raw, honest feelings & experiences. I would take pure honesty over "positioning" any day (even in the times I disagree - I just respect sincerity.)

This week, both of these blogs just made me smile (regarding adoption):

http://writergrlpdx.blogspot.com/2009/02/black-vs-african-american.html

http://haitibaby.blogspot.com/2009/02/green-monster.html

A Low Day...

I just did some analysis that I should not have done... Now I am really sad and depressed.



There is a database of people who are going through the adoption process in Haiti, where we can view the steps and how long it is taking everyone to move through the system. So I figured out the averages of each step, based on the actual days/time it is taking. I then compared that to the quoted estimates we have been given (worst case.) And unfortunately it is tracking to worst case right now. According to my math (see table) it's taking about 19-20 months. And we are currently still waiting to get to step 2... So this would say we wouldn't get him until the Sept/Oct timeframe of 2010.

This just crushed my spirits. I don't really understand all that has transpired in our lives... why all of this is so dificult. We can't have our own kids (after going to extreme measures) so we come to the point of moving to adoption and now this process is proving to be just as traumatic. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can deal with mentally...

I know I shouldn't question God (and it goes against everything I believe...) I know in my heart that He is in control and His timing/reasoning for everything is perfect... but at the same time, I am hurt and frustrated by the walls that continue to go up around us. What are we doing wrong? We are openly very tired of living in our "Joe & Jill world" and given we are both 37 years old there isn't a lot of "hope" outside of adoption... So will Chancelet even be able to have a sibling? We might be 50 before that happens...

I know I am being negative (sorry)... but I hit a low today. I probably shouldn't even publish this update.

Lifebook... A Long Work in Process

I have been working on a "Life Book" for Chancelet for quite some time. When I started it all, I just worked on some"basic" things about the process we were going through, and some details on Haiti, etc.

It was tough to start the process without knowing who Chancelet would be, but I also knew that I needed to work on it in advance, or I would never complete it... I don't have a lot of free time outside of work, so I just worked on it here & there on weekends. And now, I don't feel so overwhelmed, as I am caught up and can focus on the monthly updates when we receive them.

If you would like to view the pages, here is the link... some of the pages are still "WIP" but you will get the idea. :-)

http://picasaweb.google.com/jillswilkins/ChanceletSLifebook?feat=directlink

Big Brown Eyes & Conundrums

It's tough to be missing out on this part of his life; I look at these pictures and just wonder what he is thinking....




We just got confirmation that Joe's 20-year high school reunion will be held in July (Tampa, FL.) So I checked on flights tonight, and was able to get us free tickets there using my United miles (such great and unexpected news!) However... it's frustrating, as this might be during the exact same time period we "could" go to Haiti for the paperwork that we will need to do, and we would most likely fly to Haiti via Florida. Obviously, it would make sense to do this all in one trip... BUT we won't
know for sure on the adoption paperwork for 1-3 more months and are officially in IBESR (Haiti social services.) But at this point, we can't really afford to wait and potentially give up those "free" tickets.


Oh, the conundrum of it all. SIGH.

Thankful in February

Today... I spent the day in awful pain with my neck. I think it's a combination of stress, lifting weights, and just "me." I was in tears today because of the pain, and feeling useless as my concentration levels were at an all time low.

Last week, a co-worker shared some vicodin w/ me (the only thing that got me through last Thursday.) On Friday, I had a doctor's appointment, and somehow managed to get consumed with a presentation and completely forgot to leave work and go to it (unbelievable!) Then on Saturday, I did some funky twist getting into the car, hit my head and heard my neck "snap" out again. Oh... the pain!

But aside from all of that... I am thankful today. I feel blessed that both Joe and I have good jobs, family/friends who love us, a house that we never want to leave, and the ability to "work" on getting ourselves a family... Things are tough in the world right now, and I just never want to take what we have for granted.

And Joe is such a good husband... he went and got me Starbucks this morning (and brought it back) even though he was late for work. And he went and got Thai food tonight, even though it's a pain to go pick it up after a long day at work.

I am blessed.

Prayed specifically for a miracle tonight; that somehow we would get into IBESR this month.