Borrowing Energy & Strength

I have good friends. I have good family...

Some have shared words of support & understanding, some have just said "I am sorry, we are praying", while others others have kicked me in the rear and told me to not lose heart.

Regardless of what was offered, I still feel like there is this huge hill in front of me, my legs are like jelly and I am tired. Yesterday, I just wanted to say "I quit." But today...

... today because of my supporters (your words & prayers,) I feel like someone is behind me, pushing me up the hill providing me with this energy & strength that clearly isn't my own.

I wrote to a friend this morning that I need to stop being a martyr and I had already decided last night to work on my cynicism (this is going to be a challenge for me.) I had read a quote in Mountains Beyond Mountains that really spoke volumes to me:

"Among a coward's weapons, cynicism is the nastiest of all"

I like to think of myself as a “realist” but I know that I have the tendency to lean toward pessimist because I hate being disappointed. I have been pre-conditioned to set my expectation bar really low in this Haiti adoption process, so that was my default when I saw this new setback rear its ugly head.

So today... I will stop wallowing in my misery for the time being. I have an email into Bethany to try to clarify our situation.

However... please keep in mind that if I get some discouraging news... I may need your approval to go back to my misery for awhile, okay? And then you will all need to stand in my gap and pray on my behalf.

I will update the blog as soon as I hear anything.