We Are All Learning... As We Go...

Allison has been a dear friend in this adoption process.  Her son is now home from Haiti and I am learning a lot from her story and what they are going through as a "new family."  Attachment & bonding is tough stuff; what it does to family and friends.  But she is honest about sharing what they have done right/wrong... and what she would "do-over" if she could.


You have to read about the entire blog history to get the right context of this post, though I think it can also stand on its own.  Joe and I have concerns too, about being strong enough to "get this right."  We know SC needs to bond and attach to us alone, or his life is going to be tough down the road.  Every moment counts - and we can't do this alone. 


Please read:  http://haitibaby.blogspot.com/
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BLOG POST:  Thoughts from Auntie K
I asked my Mom and my sister to write about their feelings and thoughts regarding having to keep some distance from Luc over the holidays. Neither of them responded well at first and I thought it would be helpful for adoptive parents and others to read what was going through their minds. Hopefully if we can communicate honestly and without judgement we can all learn how to help each other through this.


My Mom is dealing with a family event which I will explain later, but my sister was able to make some time to write (thank you, Auntie K!):


“You asked for a statement or something for your blog regarding the Luc policies at Christmas. Here are some of my thoughts, meant to inform, not criticize.

At first I was angry because I tried very hard not to pick up Luc and not to kiss him. You told me when I arrived in Athens the second time (after my own issue at home) that I couldn't play with him that was different. It sounded like you wanted to isolate him and that I drove to Athens (twice) to look at him in a fishbowl. I can get that from pictures. I figured I'd be better off at home where I could resist the temptation and the problems that my infractions were causing you. It was really, really hard to swallow the “don't touch”, “don't initiate contact”, “don't be fun with him rules.

Then you explained the reasons. Maybe you get tired of going through all the reasons and explanation and don't think you should have to explain, but you definitely need to go through all of that with people. Including the people at your church. If I was one of them, I would feel used by you. You ask for their prayers to get him home, he's home and they can't see him or understand why. They have no idea of the pain it causes you to keep him away. You say it's hard to stay away, but it's also hard to get up in the morning and get dressed up for church with a 2 year-old. They can't feel you on the reason why you are keeping him away.

No one wants to jeopardize his development in any way. No one wants you to risk it either. If the people at church are 10x worse than the family as far as wanting to hug and kiss him, send them a statement the week before you plan to take him explaining that you miss them, exactly why you've held back, exactly what behavior you expect from them, and that you'll have to leave immediately if it appears to be too much for him. Personally, I was mad and cried because I felt like I was in the dark and I was just supposed to accept that I was causing damage to his development by wanting to be an awesome auntie.

I hope this helps.