Thanksgiving... A Nice Getaway Weekend

We returned home tonight after spending Thanksgiving with my parents (~5 hours away.)  It was a wonderful weekend and we enjoyed having "time" to spend with them.  It was just the 4 of us, so it was a "quiet" TG, but we filled it with good memories.   We had a yummy TG dinner, watched a good movie, enjoyed several Starbucks stops, played games, went on morning walks, played with the kittens... AND ...  Joe and I got up at 5am and headed into town for some black Friday shopping (we started doing that a couple of years ago and decided it was kind of a fun adventure to share.)  The town my parents live in is small, so it was even more exciting as it seemed everyone in town was up for the adventure...   So Christmas shopping is now almost complete - WooHoo!  :-)

Last night we were all chatting after a Starbucks stop and we all decided we wouldn't have minded the chaos one bit - if we had that little 19-month old with us; we pray that next year at this time, he will be with us.

It was so wonderful that our monthly update arrived in time for TG... (it came in on my Blackberry as we were making the trip over the mountain.)  SC brings smiles to everyone and we were thankful to have the new photos to share with M&D!

Chancelet November Update

Happy November, Joe and Jill! 

• Weight: 18 lbs 9 oz
• Height: 29 inches (73.5 cm)
• Adoption status: Courts

 

Chancelet is doing very well, and he has recently been enjoying taking walks outside the GLA walls with his volunteer. Chancelet enjoys this opportunity to be outside and see and experience all the different sights and the different perspective of seeing things from ground level. Chancelet is a good walker, and he does a good job walking over the rough and uneven terrain. Before the walk, Chancelet even tries to help dress himself when his volunteer is getting him ready! Chancelet is a bright little boy, and he certainly loves all the extra stimulation.

As the year is coming to an end, things have remained busy here at GLA. The end of the year is always a time when many children’s adoptions are complete and they are able to join their forever families. This year is no exception, as we have had 4 more children go home in November, and we look forward to several more going home in December. Additionally, we have had 15 families come to GLA to sign before the judge.

Dixie and John are continuing their fundraising tour in the US and Canada. We ask for your prayers on their behalf, both that they will be able to raise the necessary funds and also for their health and strength during this busy time.

Here in Haiti there are several different flower seasons, but the flowers blooming this time of year are some of the most vibrant. There are big yellow daisies growing wild everywhere you go and, in the mountains around and above us, bright red poinsettias grow on bushes and trees. In many parts of the world poinsettias are a symbol of Christmas, but here in Haiti they are a natural part of the landscape! In honor of this beauty and the coming celebration of our Savior’s birth, this month’s photos have a poinsettia theme.

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.        ~ Isaiah 40:8 

Gotta Love TG!

Pie made - CHECK  

This is my contribution to the celebration this year.  I love making pies… 

This year I am thankful for so many things....  And I can't wait for what is in store!

To Family & Friends: Please Read (attachment/bonding)

I have this letter all drafted – and was planning to send it out when we get closer to bringing Samuel home…  I am not sure how else to do it.  But I thought maybe it would help if I sent out some information as we go down this path & before he arrives…  I am thinking it might be easier for people to digest & internalize things.

The first 6 months (or so) are going to be really important for Samuel to establish a deep and strong connection to us.  I think if I had I not gone through this international adoption process (and been forced to read and really listen), I would probably be rolling my eyes at the “extreme” solutions we need implement in order to best address attachment & bonding issues.

This is not for our sake (if this were out of selfish reasons, I would be proudly parading Samuel off for all to see!)  J  But instead, it is all about Samuel.  We want him to live a normal life and feel safe and develop a firm trust/security around his parents.  Even though he has been amazingly well-cared for at the orphanage, he has been taken care of by many different people.  So he hasn’t really been able to bond and learn what it truly means to have parents - who he can trust and who are solely responsible for him.  If he doesn’t bond with us, his life might be really tough down the road.

And… after all we have gone through to get this little guy home…  we want to give him the best possible shot at this life.  Every day counts.  Every day matters and we are going to really need your help in this process (because it’s going to be hard not to “share” him with others as we would a bio baby.)

Below are some blog posts I have pulled from friends who have walked this path before… They are re-enforcing what I have read in books and heard from other sources.

Post 1

Yesterday we out with a wonderful sweet amazing couple. They were so sweet to our son and gave him hugs and kisses and stuff. And it's so weird, but I think that's a problem. So basically, the more wonderful the people, the harder it is on our son right now ... I think.  

I don't know. I just want to do what's best and help him thrive. I'll keep reading.

Post 2

I realized that our son is not yet ready for crowds of people we know. It's one thing to go to the zoo where everyone else is a stranger because I become the default home base. However, surrounded by family & friends and love and kisses and hugs, our son seemed a little confused about home base.

Perhaps the kindness and love he received from family and friends was similar to the kindness and love he received from volunteers at the orphanage. Also, the love from the family & friends is similar to the love from "daddy" and "mommy." And that must be confusing to a child who has only weeks of experience with the concept of parents.

I talked about it for a while after the game with a friend who not only has two adopted sons who were brought home at age 3 (they are now teenagers), but he is also a child psychologist. He said flat out that while we have bonded and attached to our son, he has not yet bonded and attached to us. He likes us a whole lot, but the attachment has not yet occurred. It was kind of a shock, but it was a shock like when you turn the light on first thing in the morning. He was exactly right.

I noticed today that our son was at complete comfort with strangers. He was willing to walk up to anyone and freely gave out kisses and hugs. That sounds adorable but it's a problem. Bio kids don't do that because they recognize a big difference between their parents and a stranger. A child will only behave in this way if they don't have that bond.

The orphanage created a safe place for our son to request and receive love from anyone with whom he came in contact. That is what has enabled him to begin to fall in love with us. And he has begun, but the deal isn't done yet. Therefore, I'm going to pull back on events with groups of people we know.  We need to take more time as a family of 3 to cement this union.

It's hard because people don't understand. Several people today noted that our entire church has been praying for our son all this time and yet we haven't even brought him to church yet. That is how the situation seems to them. It's very difficult to know that we are hurting the feelings of kind people who love us and love our son. However, we have to put his well-being first.

This is tough, but I am learning more daily and growing as a parent of an internationally adopted child. The more I learn, the better able I am to take care of our son and earn his trust. And that is and must be priority #1.

Heart Full

Today was a good day. Liveliness up, mood positive and I was focused. It may be that I have a renewed energy about me, given I was asked to take on a temporary assignment at work (as the internal communications manager.) It has given me a kick in my step and something "new" to work on.

After I left work, I stopped by the store to pick up some ingredients to make a "nice" dinner tonight. I love cooking, but don't usually have enough time or desire to do much in the "special" category. But for some reason, I just felt like going the extra mile tonight. Since we both LOVE Brussels sprouts & stuffed mushrooms, I added them both to the dinner menu!

So, it got even better when I got home tonight. There was a package waiting at the front door (that is always fun!) And when I opened it, I found some gifts for SC from Joe's parents (who are currently en route to Arizona for warm winter sunshine.) I was thrilled to open it up and find an outfit and toys - it just warmed my heart (and I won't mention one word about it being a Oregon Ducks outfit, even though Joe might get nauseous after seeing it.) :-)

And then... I was inspired to build a nice fire...

Now - if I just had that kid home! I would be multi-tasking like crazy (and smiling the whole time) giving him a bath, reading a book and possibly baking cookies too. I think I get it now - my energy levels are directly related to my heart. So when my heart is right & at peace, I think things just fall into place. Who cares if I am getting old, right?! Bring it on... because I am SO ready for this mom-thing! :-)

Thank You So Much

• Dick & Carol
• Ina & Joe
• Matt & Laurie
• Melissa
• Meagan
• John & Sharon
• Fergal & Caprice

... and all others who have supported GLA whether via donation or prayer!

Help If You Can...

Dixie is not one to ask for help, so when I saw this message, my heart sank.  We know things are tough right now, but it is so hard to read updates like this, given the way we feel about GLA.  This is such a good organization with Christian values and everything is "about the kids."  Knowing our son is being cared for by GLA means the world to us...

Latest Status

GOOD news for the Wilkins family. GLA has informed me that Chancelet's dossier has been returned to Courts; the document in Parquet has been changed.

Unfortunately because this was a new step, and this is the first batch of dossiers that have been returned to Courts, GLA cannot confirm whether they will start over in the Courts stage, or if they will just continue where they "left off".

Dixies Latest Post 11/15

Dixie's Blog:  15 November 2009


We are winding down our trip through Canada and Michigan. We only have two more speaking engagements today. Then we had back to Colorado for a week, before we start our next tour!


I can't seem to sleep tonight. We were in Sarnia last night and got to see many friends from the Canadian mission group, ACWAM. We finally got to bed about midnight and I was awake at 3:30 AM and cannot go back to sleep! My mind is just too busy tonight. We are speaking in a church at 10 AM this morning and then must leave by 1PM to arrive in Grand Rapids,Michigan for a 5:30 PM church service. They tell me it's about a 4 1/2 hour drive! The pace for this tour has been grueling but fun. I have so enjoyed seeing all of the children with their forever families.


The Selah/Avalon concert in Michigan on Friday night was a huge success. More than 700 people came to the concert and over $20,000 was raised through ticket sales and donations! This is pretty amazing and the concert was GREAT! I am not much into going to music concerts but I enjoyed myself tremendously and visited with so many people.


This whole visit has really lifted me up and reminded me exactly why we have gotten involved in building families through adoption. Seeing the children with their forever families, happy and so full of personality,has made this trip so meaningful to me.


The purpose of this trip is not just to raise funds but to also raise awareness of God's Littlest Angels and the needs of the children in the orphanage. We are struggling financially at the orphanage. Children are staying at the orphanage an average of 2 to 2 1/2 years. The cost of food, housing, water, fuel, schooling, and supplies just keep increasing. We are struggling to meet expenses each month.


Please pray daily for the children, staff, and that our financial needs will be met!


And Life in Haiti Goes On...

Emotions Evoked - Read at Your Own Risk

Something hit me this morning and I took it out on Joe.  I don’t even know what it was.  Maybe sleeping in and missing my work-out.  Maybe the fact that we were running late and couldn’t sit for our normal 10 minutes at Starbucks (treasured morning time with Joe.)  Maybe it was my tenseness over my new role that was announced at work today.  Maybe it was listening to Aaron Ivey’s adoption song on the way to Starbucks.  Whatever set me off… I felt bad.  Joe didn’t deserve to be the pin cushion for my emotional arrows.

But he was.  I was overwhelmed by everything all at once.  And one thought led to another and I got to thinking about my frustrations on the way to work.

Imagine co-workers and friends constantly asking about the progress and saying things like:  “when is your son coming home, this is so crazy, it’s so wrong.”  The emotions those words evoke in me is hard.  Just when I have buried those feelings and “let it go” I am again forced to put on happy face and try to explain things in some way that people can understand.  But in reality, that is impossible, because really… no one understands why.  So these days, I just say “only God knows…”

Imagine coming home night after night feeling like you had so much more to give… We should be playing, reading books, going on walks and giving baths to our son.   Instead we try to keep busy with other things in life.  But I have said it before and will say it again…  for as much as Joe and I love each other, we have had 15.5 years of being together/married and alone with each other…  we are ready to have a family.   I don’t feel that is an unfair expectation/desire.

And then that thought leads to other thoughts and stirs up the pain & inadequacies I feel about my infertility.  Just when I think I have healed those wounds, I find that the salt still stings.   And maybe that wound is deep enough where I will never recover.  There are a lot of emotions that got swept under the rug associated with my infertility.  It is an exhausting compartment; one I don’t like to visit.

Next thought?  While I feel young at heart, I can’t escape reality.  I am not young anymore.  I can look back and remember vivid moments when my mom was 38 years old (I will turn 38 in ~3 weeks.)   I remember a night when my parents had received a new gas card when I was 11.  Their passcode was 38-42 (my parents ages at the time.)  Wow… what it would feel like to have an 11-year-old right now.  How different my life would be.

And then there is “fair.”  The pain of constant failure with our attempts at a family.  And the new barriers of finally getting a son and not being able to be a part of his life.  SIGH.  I can’t even put this in writing because my parents taught me better…  I know life is not fair.

I wish there was a way to have someone who isn’t walking in the shoes of an adoptive parent, feel what we are feeling; to be able to have them turn on an “adoptive parent empathy switch” and have the brain of me for about 1 hour.  Then maybe people could see that I am objective, sane, logical, normal.  I have a packed life and this doesn’t consume my every hour (remember, this blog is only a fraction of my life.)  However, by having my brain they would quickly learn that it doesn’t allow for me to be passive & patient and easily “let it go” for the next 6-12 months.  My brain doesn’t work that way… my brain wants to solve problems, create resolution,  and search for solutions.   My brain logically knows there are ways to solve every problem.  If I work that way with day-to-day “non critical” life problems, how can I possibly “shut down” that part of my brain when it comes to my son?   The son who means so much to me; the little guy who we have waited for… for years.

But… I have to end on my beliefs.  My foundation.  My faith.  Because in the end, whether or not I have children doesn’t define me.  This life isn’t about me.  So I have to ask if this adoption journey is more about my relationship with God, than it is about getting SC home and having a family.  I know that SC is in a great place… he is actually as happy as a clam (are clams happy?)  J  He is so well-loved and cared for at GLA… he makes people smile and he is having an impact on the staff and the other kids.  He is living his life and having fun!  Who am I to say that he would be better off in Portland at this time in his life?  A friend expressed the fact that her son is so strong because of his experience in the orphanage – he is a tough cookie and can face anything in life!  This… is a good thing.

So what answer am I expecting?  To bring him home ASAP?  I guess that is all selfish, isn’t it?  Everything about that seems selfish as I write this.

So I will close with a verse that has been my favorite for as long as I can remember… it has helped me through a lot of tough times and He has never failed me. 

Proverbs 3:5-7

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct[a] your paths.

And as I ponder whether or not to hit the send button (honestly not sure I will…)  Joe just built me a roaring fire and said to me:  “this guy over here sure is lucky to have you in his life."

I know God is working...  I believe that with all my heart.

 I believe in the sun...even when it's not shining. I believe in love...even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God...even when He is silent.

Dixie's Latest Post: 11/9

And Life In Haiti Goes On...

http://www.glahaiti.org/blog_dixie_haiti

John and I are in Ontario visiting families who have adopted from GLA and also speaking in churches, Christian schools, and at Bible Study groups. We arrived in Toronto on Thursday, 5 November and have been busy every night since arriving in Canada. Today, we are staying in a small town called Simcoe. We are visiting a family that adopted a baby from us back in 2004. His name is Logan and he was so excited to see us because we came from Haiti like he did!

It has been really exciting seeing the children in their "forever" families! Our oldest child here is 9 years old and was adopted a little over 7 years ago. Time passes so quickly and when I see the children growing up, I cannot believe how big they are! In my mind, they are still babies!


Tomorrow, we leave Canada to go to Grand Rapid, Michigan. We will be there 4 days. Two contemporary Christian musical groups will be putting on a benefit concert on Friday evening. Please be in prayer for the concert. We need more tickets sold and for the word to get out so people will come!

We then return to Canada for two more visits on Saturday night and Sunday morning. Then it is back to Michigan for a Sunday night service. We fly back to Colorado on Monday the 16th.

We are trying to raise support for the orphanage and make people aware of our needs. Keep us in your prayers as we continue to travel through Canada and Michigan. Pray that funds will come in to help cover expenses at the orphanage.

When Logic Fails

November 4, 2009
When Logic Fails:  Hebrews 6:20
by Charles R. Swindoll

Human logic breaks down in crisis. The mystery is enormous, and it is the enormity of it all that calls for faith. I'm sorry if that sounds like an overused bromide. But if we could unravel it, why would we need faith? If that were true, all we'd really need is the answer in the back of the book and someone to point it out to us; we'd read it, and that's all there would be to it. But God's plan is that we walk by faith, not by sight. It is faith and patience that stretch us to the breaking point. Such things send doubt running.

When you find yourself dealing with doubt, let me give you three things to remember. First, God cannot lie. He can test, and He will. He can say no, and He sometimes will; He can say yes, and He will; He can say wait, and occasionally He will---but God cannot lie. He must keep His word. Doubt says, "You fool, you're stupid to believe in a God who puts you through this." By faith, keep remembering that God cannot lie.

Here's the second piece of advice that helps me: We will not lose. Doubt says, "You lose if you trust God through this. You lose." If I read anything in this whole section of Hebrews 6, I read that in the mysterious manner of God's own timing, for some unexplainable and yet unchangeable purpose, those of us who trust Him ultimately win---because God ultimately wins.

God cannot lie. We will not lose. Your mate has walked away from you, an unfair departure---you will not lose, child of God. Your baby has been born and for some reason, it has been chosen to be one of those special persons on this earth. You will not lose. You've waited and waited, and you were convinced things would improve, yet things have only gotten worse---keep remembering, you will not lose. God swears on it with an oath that cannot change. You will not lose.

Third---and I guess it's the best of all---is that our Lord Jesus does not leave. To quote a verse from Scripture, He "sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24).

"Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever . . ." Hebrews 6:20. That means He is there at any time . . . and always.

• God cannot lie. He will always keep His Word.
• You cannot lose. God is trustworthy.
• Our Lord Jesus does not leave. He is with you even now. 

Excerpted from Stress Fractures, copyright © 1990 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.  

A Smile

When Starbucks changes over to Christmas Cups.... I always smile.

Today was that day. :-)

October Update Just Arrived!

October greetings, Joe and Jill!


· Weight: 18 lbs 3 oz
· Height: 28.5 inches (72.50 cm)
· Adoption status: Courts

Chancelet Specifics:

Chancelet is certainly an active, busy little boy. He tends to like to change activities frequently, finding whatever seems most interesting at the moment. J He is just such a happy little boy, though, that pretty much everything makes him laugh and smile!

I saw the cutest thing when I walked into the nursery earlier today. Chancelet’s nursery was more crowded than normal, mainly because one of our foreign staff members was sitting on the floor with a group of children gathered around her. Chancelet, however, was interested elsewhere. One of his friends was lying on the floor, drinking his bottle. Chancelet was, quite considerately, trying to help him. He held the bottle for his friend—who was, incidentally, quite capable of holding his bottle himself!—and made sure that his friend got all his milk. A couple of times as I watched the bottle either slipped or the other boy decided he was done. Chancelet would just take the bottle and put it back in the other child’s mouth so he could keep drinking! :-)

Generic GLA Update:

We have continued to be busy here in Haiti with many of our families coming and going! We have had 13 more families come to appear before the judge, as well as 9 families come to take their children home to join their “forever families.” We praise God for the completion of these adoptions, and we look forward to seeing many more children going home before the end of the year!


It has been nice to have had all of our foreign staff in Haiti for most of the month of October. Laurie is recovering well from her Hepatitis and is back to work in the office. Stephanie has also returned from visiting friends and family back home and is also back at work. John and Dixie were here in Haiti for most of the month, but they left earlier this week. They will be travelling in the US and Canada, doing fundraising for GLA. Please remember them in your prayers as they travel and also that they would be successful in raising the money we need to run the orphanage. We have had several major expenses recently, including generators and vehicles breaking down and needing repaired and replaced. We trust that God will be faithful, as always, to provide for our needs and for those of the children in our care.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

         ~Philippians 4:19

 

Another Week Passes

It has been about 3 weeks since we got word about the requirement to go back to Parquet to have one of our documents modified... 

I was hoping we might get word that it had been resolved and that we were back into courts.  But it's another Friday with no updates.  SIGH.  I have been trying just to let it play out and focus on other things...

The only facts we do have are:

• We had to go back to Parquet, but they didn't think it would take very long
• We may or may not be told when it is completed - meaning we may only get word once our file is moved to the next stage (out of court.)

So... that's all I know.  I am kinda down & sad, but trying to remain positive vs. negative and remain hopeful that maybe we are back in courts at this stage (and we just don't know it.)

10/20/2009... "CL Day"

...Goes down as a GREAT day in Haiti adoption history! I am unofficially naming 10/20: "chubby lion" day. And I will forever celebrate it. :-)

A dear friend just got word that she gets to go get her little guy at the orphanage on FRIDAY!!!

My heart just about jumped out of my body when I got the news... It gives us all hope to know we will eventually get to the end of the adoption process. And what is waiting on the other side is a miracle.

Found One Distraction...

We had a very nice Saturday... It was supposed to be rainy, but it turned into a decent fall day.

We drove down to McMinnville and met Kevin & Katie for our college football homecoming game (we have season tickets with them and always look forward to our time together!)

We learned that 1) homecoming doesn't seem to be what is used to (what happened to tug-o-war at halftime, and kings/queens?!), 2) 1989 is now considered the distant past (we felt quite offended with game clips being shown in B&W; we were waiting for references to leather football helmets), 3) and finally, that there is such thing as a cheerleader with dreadlocks.

All-in-all it was good to get away from the echos of an empty house and a long "to-do" list and instead, get out and enjoy our weekend!

A Good Memory

Usually I can't look at pictures (too much pain.)

But I needed to "awaken" some positive memories today... This was a good day!

We Have Been Re-"Parqueted"

Main Entry: par·quet
Pronunciation: \pär-ˈkā\
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): par·queted \; par·quet·ing

1: to furnish with a floor of parquet
2: to make of parquetry


Here is the latest info on our situation:

Dixie has recently provided additional information
on how the court process is proceeding as a result of the new requirement. She had posted an update on GLA's website earlier in the week; however, she was trying to find out more information. Yesterday she received more information which is slightly different than what she had originally thought would happen.

After a family has travelled to Haiti and signed for the local judge, the judge issues a new "process verbal" (one of the legal documents that is part of the child's dossier) to be added to the child's dossier. This new process verbal reflects that a parent has travelled and met their child. Originally Dixie had been told that a new process verbal would not be required for families who did not meet with the judge, and that for these families, they would only need to show evidence that the family had been to Haiti. However, this week, Dixie has found out that a new process verbal is required for these families too. However, the civil court judge said he would not make these families return to Haiti for another trip but that the orphanages could show the passports and stamps to the local judge and he could do the process verbal from them. Once the new process verbals have been issued by the local judge, they must be added to the child's dossier. For families not yet in the Court process, this will not change their process at all except for having to have this addition document issued. However, for families currently in the Court process, their dossiers must be returned to Parquet to have the Parquet approval's date changed. Dixie is not expecting that this will be a long process; she is not expecting these dossiers to get mixed with the dossiers that are currently in the Parquet stage. Once the change has been made to the Parquet approval, the complete dossier will return to the courts.

Official Word on our Situation

Well, we just got the official word via Bethany, from GLA regarding the judge/paper/back to Parquet issue. I guess mostly, I am just numb (a word borrowed from a friend. The term works for me in this moment.)

Numb is better than angry; better than sadness; better than hopeless. Numb is a way of dealing with constant disapointment.

I re-did the timeline above... my expectations are getting lower each day. It seems that we just lost 5.6 weeks of time.

Hi Jill,

Dixie has clarified that yes, any files where families were in Haiti and signed for the Judge, those files will have to go back to Parquet. She is expecting, though, that these files will be changed in Parquet quickly, and will not be mixed with those files that are still in Parquet for Parquet approval. Because the files have already been approved, they will just need the one document changed in Parquet. There are definitely still some unknowns as this is such a recent development; however, this is what she
has been told at this point, and she is continuing to try to find out more information.

Borrowing Energy & Strength

I have good friends. I have good family...

Some have shared words of support & understanding, some have just said "I am sorry, we are praying", while others others have kicked me in the rear and told me to not lose heart.

Regardless of what was offered, I still feel like there is this huge hill in front of me, my legs are like jelly and I am tired. Yesterday, I just wanted to say "I quit." But today...

... today because of my supporters (your words & prayers,) I feel like someone is behind me, pushing me up the hill providing me with this energy & strength that clearly isn't my own.

I wrote to a friend this morning that I need to stop being a martyr and I had already decided last night to work on my cynicism (this is going to be a challenge for me.) I had read a quote in Mountains Beyond Mountains that really spoke volumes to me:

"Among a coward's weapons, cynicism is the nastiest of all"

I like to think of myself as a “realist” but I know that I have the tendency to lean toward pessimist because I hate being disappointed. I have been pre-conditioned to set my expectation bar really low in this Haiti adoption process, so that was my default when I saw this new setback rear its ugly head.

So today... I will stop wallowing in my misery for the time being. I have an email into Bethany to try to clarify our situation.

However... please keep in mind that if I get some discouraging news... I may need your approval to go back to my misery for awhile, okay? And then you will all need to stand in my gap and pray on my behalf.

I will update the blog as soon as I hear anything.

Disheartened

I just noticed that GLA had updated the “latest adoption status” info, so went to check if there had been any movement in general. However, to my dismay it sounds like we may be “moved back a step.” Sounds like we have to go back to Parquet.

I am really in a dark place right now… It seems like I have a good week of positive thoughts/prayer and am on the path to feeling okay about things, when something else strikes.

I don’t know how to get the strength to make it through sometimes… I am completely worn-out and I don’t understand the continuous hurdles. The wind has been taken out of my sails. :-(

http://www.glahaiti.org/adoption_news

For families whose dossier is in courts, the dossier must now return to Parquet for a new Parquet paper with a date that is before the date the parents signed in front of the judge. I think this is a complete mess! We end up having to change three (3) court documents so that dates match! That does not even make sense to me! We are changing the dates on legal documents at the request of one judge!

Beautiful Blurr to Me...

I was sadly, happily? (not sure what term to use here) looking through our Haiti trip pictures for the gazillionth time… I hadn’t really paid attention to this one before, as it was blurry… but I just realized I really like it. J

a warm “thank-you” to each of you who has commented, FB’d and/or emailed regarding SC’s latest monthly update. I feel surrounded by kindness, love and prayers…

… I cannot thank you enough for that.

September Update

Greetings from Haiti, Joe and Jill!

• Weight: 17 lbs 2 oz
• Adoption status: Courts

September has been quite the busy month for us here at GLA! In addition to families coming to pick up their children and the regularly scheduled visits to file I-600 paperwork by the American families, we have had many families come to appear before the local judge in deference to the new requirements in the court process. In all, we will have had 15 families at GLA by the end of September, with many more coming in the next few weeks and months. It makes life busy, and I know it is not always convenient for you, but it is nice to have this opportunity to meet the families of our children. I have enjoyed meeting those of you who have come, and I look forward to meeting many more of you soon!

This past month has also been busy with several staff members away. Laurie went to the US to recover from her hepatitis, and Stephanie was also in the States, visiting family and friends on her annual vacation. In spite of their absences, things have continued to run smoothly here in Haiti, and the adoption files have continued to move through the various adoption steps—in their own Haitian time, of course!

September is back to school month in Haiti. This month and for the several weeks before, we have had approximately 300 children come to GLA to enroll in our school sponsorship program. These children are the biological siblings of kids who have been adopted through GLA. It can be disheartening at times when we have more children requesting help than funds available, but we are thankful to be able to help contribute, in however small of a way, to education in Haiti.

Wise men store up knowledge, but the mouth of the fool invites ruin. ~Proverbs 10:14

Because of the extra work of the school sponsorship program this past month, as well as additional responsibilities due to Laurie and Stephanie’s absences, I will not be including stories with this month’s updates. Enjoy your photos and updated information!

Blessings,

Melanie Wright, GLA Update coordinator

And The Responses...

From the Senator’s Office:

Dear Ms. Wilkins,

Thank you for contacting Senator Merkley regarding the Family and Medical Leave Act. The Senator asked me to reply to you and tell you, first, congratulations on the adoption of you new son and secondly, that you make some interesting points regarding the Act.  I will forward your email to the Senator’s legislative staff for their consideration. Input such as yours is an important part of the legislative process and the Senator appreciates the time you took to bring this to his attention.

From my HR Department:

Hi Jill,

Thank you for your email. Feedback regarding our policies is always good. I will be forwarding/sharing this email with the director of benefits to let her know of your concerns regarding the adoption policy.  At the present time, you are correct that you are eligible for (10) days off from the time you have custody of your child. From there you can apply for FMLA for 12 weeks, which is unpaid time. You can also use any vacation that you have as well.  I’m sorry I don’t have any other news for you, but I will forward this email on.

Am I just crazy to think that the majority of logical people would be "ok" with a bill supporting equality to adoptive parents? There is no reason for adoptive parents to be treated unfairly when it comes to family time. I wish family mattered a bit more in the USA.

Here is a good article (The Case for Paid Family Leave:) http://www.newsweek.com/id/210252

Time For Change

Today I am reminded of how unfairly adoptive parents are treated with regard to time-off work. Some other adoptive friends and I have been correlating data and researching options. Not only are adoptive parents given less time worldwide, but specifically the US laws are appalling when compared to other country policy. I will have much less time to spend with my son vs. a mother who has given birth to her child biologically.

We really have no good support in the US. I think this is probably why many moms stop working, as they don’t really have a choice (and as a result, we end up losing a lot of capable workforce members.)

Adoptive parents need this time off because they need to spend time working on the attachment process with their new child. This is a critical step in ensuring the adoptive children bond with his/her new parents. This process can take 6 months or more (especially for international adoptions when you don’t get the children home until they are a toddler, which is our situation.) I would argue that for the well being of the child who is going through transition in an adoption there is a need for a "transition leave" that a parent could take. I firmly believe that this will help to ensure the success of an adopted child to become a healthy and productive member of society, and there are many studies to support this.

• The only PAID time off I am eligible for are 10 days from my employer (and that is because of my company policy, not US law.)
• And then I will have up to 12 weeks UNPAID via the Family Medical Leave Act (though I can use accrued vacation as a part of this time if I have any days available.) However this cannot be in addition to the PAID leave mentioned above, so my max is 12 weeks.
• My husband has 5 PAID days off for adoption, with the same FMLA 12 weeks (again, it cannot exceed 12 weeks.)

So we essentially only have 3 weeks PAID. We can take a total of 24 weeks between us, but will have to use our vacation days if we are to get partially paid for the balance (21 weeks) of that timeframe.

I did find out that both the California and Washington laws are structured as insurance programs so that workers pay for the costs, lessening the impact on employers, and even this could be a “start” for the rest of the states:

• Washington's new law is a partial-wage replacement insurance program. The law provides for up to five weeks of paid leave for the birth or adoption of a child. The maximum weekly benefit is $250 a week, with pro-rated benefits available for part-time employees. The law establishes a 13-member legislative task force to determine the funding mechanism for the insurance program. Benefits under the law become available effective Oct. 1, 2009.
• California's paid family leave insurance program allows workers to deduct a small premium from their paychecks to participate in the State Disability Insurance Program. Employees taking leave qualify for 55 percent of their pay, to a maximum of $882 per week, for up to six weeks.
  It seems that in Canada, they have parental leave which allows 35 weeks at 55% of pay (similar to CA, but longer timeframe)… Although maternity leave is an additional 15 weeks (of which adoptive parents are not eligible for.)

So… I am frustrated.

I am sending a letter to our senators and also sent a note to HR… however I am not holding my breath for change.

Even a Beautiful Sunny Day Isn't Helping...

Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds. Because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. JAMES 1:2-3

I was thinking about what how to sum up my thoughts... thinking about how sad I am today. It is beautiful outside - 83 degrees, but I can't seem to find my smile.

• We went to church and this sadness came over me as I watched a baby boy get dedicated (I was imagining the day we get to take Samuel up there.)
• We went to the mall and into Pottery Barn Kids - big mistake (why do I do that?!)
• I read about someone being in MOI for 2 years... wow, did that send me into a tailspin.
• I am at the end of my rope - truly. I don't know how to get through another year+ of this. I am getting older by the day and our house feels empty. We have some really great times together, and I try to appreciate each of those moments, but the truth is, we have had 15 years of moments "alone" - we are ready for a family.
• I wish I could remember how life was before Samuel, so that I didn't have to feel the pain of not having him in our life.
• I am tired. Feeling old. Trying to keep perspective. Asking God for his help.

Then I read Stephanie's blog and she summed up a lot of my issue... this idea that you are missing some step, or not doing something you should be. You check this blog, or that website or the GLA site to see if anything has bee updated with new information... but usually it holds no answers that provide peace: http://iansadoption.blogspot.com/

Be Still
I have spent much of this afternoon online, checking and re-checking e-mail and Googling every possible variance on the words "Haiti adoption" ... searching in vain for something that will connect me with my boys and confirm this crazy hope inside of me that all will work out on this trip.

But in the end I am reminded that there is not going to be a voice from the sky or a bolt of lightning to tell me how this is going to play out. Instead, this is one more exercise in waiting patiently on the Lord for His decision, not mine.

Frankly, I am not very good at this part.Psalms 46:10 says:

"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth."

2 Things for Tuesday...

1. Another couple just returned from their Haiti "judge visit"... she has some videos posted on her blog (toddler house, not the main house where Samuel lives.) They are fun to watch and see GLA: http://lilacsinbloom-bsc.blogspot.com/
2. For anyone who reads this post... I just ask that you take a couple of minutes to say a specific prayer in "this very moment." a) For Samuel's file to continue to move through the system this year b) for my friends files that need to move as well... So that we can bring our children home by next spring, if not sooner c) and for Dixie / GLA that they have the resources they need to run the orphanage.

I know it can come true… I believe God is listening.

For where there are two or three gathered together -- to my name, there am I in the midst of them. - Matthew 18:20

Investing in People

Each day I receive updates from FamilyLife… I just liked the message of this one in particular and felt like maybe I should share it. I think when I read the list of "eight cardinal virtues" below, I felt like I have some big gaps. However, it didn't get me down, but more inspired me. Maybe I will print these out and hang them on the bathroom mirror! J

And I guess I relate this to my life right now because it's so easy to become negative & cynical in this adoption process. When it feels like we have to climb mountain after mountain and have to cross rivers that are a mile-long, with the strongest currents we have ever known. It's easy to become self-absorbed and play the martyr. I don't want that for my life... and I think when I step back and just breathe... listen to others and "give" vs. "take" I am a better person --- which means I am better able to deal with this very tough time in life. I can't keep being negative... I will never make it over the next year. I will become old and I don't want that for my life.

September 19: Investing in People

Admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:14

Who are the people that have meant the most to you in your life? Who has had the most influence in your life? Your parents? A coach, a teacher or a Sunday School teacher? Undoubtedly they challenged you to rise above the status quo. I remember people who cared about my character and who inspired me to a solid standard of holiness, devotion and diligence.

The bottom line? They all called me to noble, pure virtues.

Others have also stepped out of the herd and stepped up. Consider the famed scientist and inventor George Washington Carver who once wrote down what he called the "eight cardinal virtues":

1. Be clean both inside and outside.

2. Neither look up to the rich nor down on the poor.

3. Lose, if need be, without squealing.

4. Win without bragging.

5. Always be considerate of women, children and old people.

6. Be too brave to lie.

7. Be too generous to cheat.

8. Take your share of the world and let others take theirs.

Virtuous words. Yet even from a distance of nearly 100 years, they touch us at a deep level of our souls and call us higher than the selfish parts of our natures typically want to go.

I encourage you today to be careful where you look for inspiration—be sure that the people who influence you are those who can be counted on to lead you in the paths of purity and righteousness. And I encourage you to become an influencer, one who has the thick-skinned courage to step out and up and motivate others to be Christ followers.